Friday, February 07, 2020

My First Trip to Utah

When someone's just been subjected to a nightmarish 2.5 day long journey, half sleeping crumpled up on the floors of African airports, it's a well known fact that the best medicine is to go on another flight in four days for a friggin ski trip. Lydia has really crossed the line this time folks. Her masochism knows no bounds.

There is an artist/comedian savant whose talents are being wasted at a St. Louis airport bar.

We flew to Salt Lake City, Utah. I had always envisioned SLC being being like a desert so the concept of skiing there was kind of confusing to my brain. 

We met up with our crew consisting of Lolo, Viry, Wing, and Joel. They all have pretty satisfyingly short names. Very John-length. Anyway we headed to Target for some Utah provisions. My understanding is that Utah only very recently decided that its delicate people could handle beer stronger that 3.2%. From my Anheuser-Busch days I can tell you that their beer is even more confusing than that, because 3.2% refers to the alcohol content by weight, while the usual way of measuring the strength of beer in current times is ABV, or alcohol by volume. Luckily there were warning signs on the beer shelves.

I read about Utah special cuisine and Postum came up. They didn't have this at Target so I was forced to commandeer the ship and go to Walmart as well. Mormons, of which Utah is teeming, don't drink coffee: 

"Revelation given through Joseph Smith the Prophet, at Kirtland, Ohio, February 27, 1833. As a consequence of the early brethren using tobacco in their meetings, the Prophet was led to ponder upon the matter; consequently, he inquired of the Lord concerning it. This revelation, known as the Word of Wisdom, was the result.

And again, hot drinks are not for the body or belly."

I, too, have many of my best revelations in Ohio. Anyway so Postum is a drink that you heat up that doesn't count as the aforementioned naughty "hot belly drink". This good belly hot drink yum yum.

There weren't any articles inside this paper, just a handwritten message. "I'm cool with global warming. Oh wait I realized my economy is based on skiing and that requires cold weather. Oh nooes my lack of foresighttt noooo."

We got a pretty cool cabin in Park City. It said that it was "ski in, ski out". That was a lie, but it was pretty fun anyway.

The previous guest left a bunch of very Utah brewskies in the fridge for us. This was a good omen that this was going to be a very jazzy trip indeed.

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