Monday, April 24, 2023

A Big Decision to Make

Our couple of days in the hospital after Ernie was born were a mixed bag. On one hand I was enjoying my time with my new son, and I was also learning how to take care of him from the nurses. The swaddling was a skill I never really picked up very well. I couldn't do it as well as the nurses and he would keep wiggling out of it. Once that happened he would startle himself while sleeping and then start screaming. The whole startle reflex to me is strange. I wonder what if any purpose it has or if it's just his brain learning how to brain.

The downside was that it was difficult for any of the three of us to get any sleep because there was an endless parade of staff coming in, talking loudly, messing with Ernie and doing tests on him until he screamed. Not having control of our space was getting very old and we were looking forward to going home.

A roaming photographer barged in and asked us if we wanted some pictures of Ernie taken. Ernie was on his second day of life and we hadn't had any professional shots done of him since yesterday so of course we said yes. She immediately starts moving our luggage and other belongings around, without asking, to set up her shots. Annoying, but ok. Then a pediatrician came in yapping about something official, and while that was happening someone from the cafeteria came in to ask Lydia's order for lunch. And they're all talking to us at the same time, not seeming to understand how stressful this all is. I believe I decided that the food person was bottom of the pecking order so I told them to go sit on a spoon and then come back later.

Speaking of the cafeteria people, they were funny because they kept bringing big trays of food for Lydia. There's very little counter space in the room so after a few meals the trays started piling up. Annoyed, the next time they came in to bring something I asked them to take away the previous trays. They said that they can't, and that once they've brought in a tray it becomes like medical waste and only a nurse can dispose of it. Weird but I guess I understand. If we had ebola or something they wouldn't want the gophers to catch it.

I thought that the new Ernie pics turned out pretty well so I guess it was worth the stress.

He's a pretty handsome, chunky little man with a nice head of hair, if I do say so myself.

I'm kind of amazed by this whole umbilical cord situation. It seems kind of like magic that this giant literal lifeline meat cord that jacks right into your organs can just be clamped and cut off, then just shrivels up and falls off shortly afterward. Then it just heals up no problem and you walk around with a big hole in your stomach as a reminder for the rest of your life.

A random person came in and did a hearing test that involved running a white noise machine. When she was finished and turned it off, Ernie was not pleased and started crying. So thereafter we ran a white noise speaker in his aquarium while he slept.

The moments when he was awake and not screaming were rare and precious. Hello roommate.

Lydia and Ernie having a little conversation about wombs or something.

Because we are not married I was invited to do some amusing paperwork claiming Ernie. I was flattered but I really should run this by my lawyer first.

There's some real complicated Jerry Springer stuff going on here that I'm glad I'm not a party to. Did your husband have a twin that may be the actual father but he is denying parentage? If so check box 45a.

I was amused by the very specific interest in what flavor of Hispanic I might be. You checked the White box but are we talking like German white or like Finnish fell into a bucket of bleach white?

My paperwork did say I have a few months to rescind my parentage declaration so I told Ernie he better be on this best behavior.

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