Saturday, February 14, 2015

Shady Dolphins and a Murderous Plantation

The Hilton was filled with tour company employees. There was an official desk in the lobby, but they were also just setting up shop wherever there was a spare table and chair. There was always a guy in a blue Hawaiian shirt waiting by the bar for his next customer. Sitting around at a bar at a Jamaican resort all day is not the worst job in the world.

Anyway we went to the official desk in the lobby to see what was available.

Discussing the dolphin swimming experience that was advertised took a strange turn and felt like negotiating with an underwater prostitute. The cheapest package on the brochure was called "the encounter" which allowed you to ""touch", meet and make friends with the dolphin".  Why does touch have quotations? "Why?" If you've got the cash you can upgrade to the next tier where you can "enjoy a kiss, perhaps a splash or two and have a real up-close experience while getting a belly-ride." A belly-ride? Really? Dolphins have no shame.

We purchased a much more wholesome tour for the next day and were then on our way. There were tours available for the nearby Rose Hall Great House, but it was so close to our hotel that we decided to just walk.

The walk along the road provided a nice view of the hotel's golf course.

Touring old houses in Jamaica is so dangerous.

Looking at this picture right after Lydia took it was the moment I realized I have a big red birthmark on the back of my head. Don't look at me I'm hideous.

The inside of the house was terrifying. The wallpaper is some sort of silk and the nearby ocean's spray wrecks it periodically. I got a Disney Haunted Mansion vibe immediately.

This tour was most interesting because of the uncensored stories regarding the treatment of the plantation's slaves. Apparently the slaves had to whistle while carrying food into the house or it would be assumed they were eating some of it and they would be killed. If a chamber pot wasn't emptied fast enough its contents would be dumped on a slave as punishment. The White Witch of Rose Hall (racist) was the main character of many of these stories. She had a bad habit of murdering her husbands, having a slave dispose of the body, and then murdering the slave to cover her tracks. It's amazing anyone had time to do any work at this plantation, what with all the murdering and poo throwing.

There was even a bear trap example that would've been used to catch runaways.

They had some awesome tiki torches made out of empty beer bottles.

Our last stop was the White Witch's (racist) grave.

We checked out a touristy mall across the street from the great house.

Well we had been outside of the hotel for about 2 hours so we had to hurry back and rest.

The dolphin pimps are always nearby.

We had some jerk pork and fish fritters for lunch.

We did some other things that apparently were not worth taking any pictures of, and then we took a cab to eat jerked meat again. Rough life, right?

Scotchie's was cool because there seemed to be locals and tourists enjoying themselves at the same restaurant.

Logs and corrugated metal is apparently the Jamaican jerk secret ingredient.

I expected the jerk chicken to be really spicy but it was pretty mild.

Back at the Hilton we popped in to the cafeteria just to sample the day's weird fruits. These are star apple slices.

I tried an otaheite apple too but wasn't real impressed. It had the consistency of a mushy pear.

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