Saturday, April 29, 2017

Birthday Foos and Booze

This year for my birthday, and Lydia's, we had to come up with something new and exciting to capture the imaginations of the hip kids. We settled on a booking at Great American Human Foosball.

That cookie cake though.

I'd never done this before and so was a little bit nervous that people wouldn't have fun. Turns out I needn't have worried.

The game was deceptively difficult. You had to keep your hands on the bars like a little plastic foosball man and so you and the other people on your bar had to coordinate which direction you were going to go.

I played goalie the first few matches and blocked all the shots, then scored a couple times as a forward during the last match. Made the game winning shot. It's not a huge deal. People did not hoist me up on their shoulders and chant my name after the game but I think we could all feel in the air that they wanted to. Oh well.

The ref was super fun and into the whole thing. I think he was the owner of the business so that explained his give-a-crap demeanor. They had giant chess, giant connect four, and a big pool table where all the balls were soccer balls.

Afterward we went to our after-kickball haunt Stella Blue and had some good times. A certain pair of sisters that shall remain nameless kept breaking glasses so they downgraded us to solo cups and hinted that we should leave.

We hadn't really planned anything past this so when someone suggested Narwhal's Crafted Urban Ice I had no reason to argue. Narwhal's sole product is a bunch of different flavors of alcoholic slushie drinks. They have really good flavors though.

A few of our friends work for Purina and so have all sorts of fun international friends. Lydia and I inexplicably ended up hanging out with this Russian guy on Wash Ave a bit before bed. He was a hoot.

He found the mask that I made at the Art Museum in the backseat.

Saturday, April 08, 2017

Ate Beaver For Lent

Bootleggin' BBQ Tavern, only a few blocks walk from our apartment, has an amusing treat available during Lent: beaver meat.

According to the Scientific American, when Catholicism came into contact with the new world they declared beaver a fish to accommodate local tastes.

"So in the 17th century, the Bishop of Quebec approached his superiors in the Church and asked whether his flock would be permitted to eat beaver meat on Fridays during Lent, despite the fact that meat-eating was forbidden. Since the semi-aquatic rodent was a skilled swimmer, the Church declared that the beaver was a fish. Being a fish, beaver barbeques were permitted throughout Lent. Problem solved!

The Church, by the way, also classified another semi-aquatic rodent, the capybara, as a fish for dietary purposes. The critter, the largest rodent in the world, is commonly eaten during Lent in Venezuela. "It's delicious," one restaurant owner told the New York Sun in 2005. "I know it's a rat, but it tastes really good.""

Looks like I'm going to have to find a capybara dealer for next year.

The taste didn't exactly change my life.

NPR reports that something similar is going on with another weird animal to the north: muskrat.

"In other parts of the country, it's been a longstanding habit to eat water-dwelling mammals during Lent. Muskrats are traditional in parts of the mid-Atlantic, for instance. The Southern Grille in Ellendale, Del., is serving muskrat during this Lenten season.

The dish is quite common in parts of Michigan. This time of year, lots of churches and social clubs host muskrat dinners — so many that the local stock has been partially depleted: Muskrats are being shipped in from Ohio."

Tuesday, April 04, 2017

Handsome Cardinals Fan Has Some Complaining to Do

Lydia and I went to the second Cardinals game of the season: the poor man's Opening Day. Opening Day was crazy this year because it was on a Sunday and it was against the Cubs. Anyway, so we got to Busch Stadium 15 minutes or so early and expected to just saunter on in. There were hellish lines wrapping around the whole stadium!

Well with all of the extra time I had standing in line I tweeted some snark at the Cardinals to shame them for being so disorganized. Sure I only paid $11 for 2 standing room tickets, but it's the principle of the thing now isn't it?

And as I think should always happen when I have an opinion about something, I was contacted by the local news.

Fox 2 News asked if they could use the picture and a couple other little questions.

Finally we got into the stadium.

This was when Stephen Piscotty got beaned in the head by the ball while sliding into home.

At this point I figured I would get my picture on the news somewhere and had a good laugh about it. Well the next day things escalated. They wanted to interview me!

I was thinking what part of "I was in a line and I don't like lines" do I really need to explain on television, but sure why not?

So I strolled down to Busch Stadium, returning to the scene of the crime. My interview was with Mid-America Emmy winning reporter Erika Tallan and John the camera-bro(no relation). I simply explained in my usual straight-faced fashion that I don't like lines and this was a long line and so forth.

I went home then headed over to a bar where my crew and I dominate bar trivia most Wednesdays. I asked them to turn one of the many TVs to my channel and sure enough, I was all over the evening news. Which is completely ridiculous.

The next day on the morning show they did a live broadcast but it still used my sweet pics and some of the interview. Just keep airing the clips until my public is satisfied, I say.

I took a screenshot for the next time someone makes fun of me for only knowing one player on the team's name: Yadier Molina. And Piscotty but just because it reminds me of biscotti.